I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize