WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
