sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
