I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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