I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
