i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
