Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
