FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
