How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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