You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
