I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't deserve a penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
