she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Randomize
