you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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