i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
