remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
