everyone is single if you try hard enough
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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