We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
