Already got asked if we're dating
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
