You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
