Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
