I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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