But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
