Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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