all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
