The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
