You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
