How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
