...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
