One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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