you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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