how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
