great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
