We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
