Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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