it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
God, I missed his penis.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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