If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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