I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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