there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
