I wanna passion pit in your ass
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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