what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am available for nakedness
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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