In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
