The maid of honor just puked.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
