would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
