Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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