It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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