i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i came on her dog
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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