I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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