as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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