Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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