I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
