I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
