i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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