woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
