For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
