So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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