"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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