Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
