My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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