We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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