Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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