Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
