Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
