i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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