The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
