loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
