I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bring money and cleavage
Did I show you my penis last night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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