just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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