saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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