Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
