Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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