Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize