had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize