i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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