I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
