my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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