On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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