You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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