I want to make a zoo with you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
