as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
