There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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