i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
wow bdsm is so cute
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