Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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