i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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