how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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